How I Am Feeling Right Now

I've known since I was very little that I would never be able to have children, and that was okay with me.  I went through the surgery they said I needed, I have accepted the life God has given me and I am an honest to goodness happy individual.

Lately though I have felt a little different.  Everyone seems to have babies, everywhere I look are babies, babies babies.  I feel like lying at this point is stupid, I want one and it just plain isn't fair.  I know life isn't always fair but it sometimes leaves me feeling angry.

Things that do not help the situation are women who do NOT understand CAIS who want to say things with good intentions but are so wrong.  I can't count how often I hear, "Why didn't the doctors try to save your eggs."

I don't have eggs!  I don't have a reproductive system, that's how this whole thing works, that is essentially what the disorder is (kind of).  I also love when people say, "you are so lucky you haven't ever had a period"

I don't consider myself lucky when it comes to that.  Not at all, if you ever meet a woman with CAIS please do not tell her that, its incredibly rude.  

Last part of this rant and I am done is the fact that everyone wants to tell me what my options are for babies like I am too stupid to know them myself.  If going to another country and "saving a life" is so incredible then why don't more child bearing women do it?  Don't get me wrong I know plenty of them do but none of the women I personally know have.

Moral of the story is I know there are options for me I know I can someday have a child but I also know that many people do NOT know that for me to adopt I'll have to have agencies do background checks, take thousands of dollars from me, and wait on a waiting list that is very very very long... It's discouraging and makes me sad. 

It's very rare I write or talk about this openly but I saw a damn commercial with some kid who was calling for her dad and it was so effing cute and then I was suddenly angry... 

Alright, thanks to whoever is out there reading this, if there are any...

1 comment

  1. Hey lady,
    Nothing I could say can make you feel any better. I can't imagine the feelings you have to be going through. All I can say is, if you need anything let me know! Lots of hugs to you.


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