Baby Blankenship: Trying to keep a positive outlook

GRAND RAPIDS, Mich.-- I must admit the energy in the room during our second embryo transfer attempt wasn't the same as the first.  While we still were excited it felt different.  I think Jim and I were both a little down, a little worried that it might not work again.

Once again we went in and Dr. Young tells us they thawed 2 of our 6 embryos.  The 2 they thawed were considered 2+ grade.  Meaning they were very good quality.  We sit up by my sisters head and I held her hand while he awkwardly inserted a catheter in order to place the 2 little embryos into her uterus.

The two emrbyos

 I wouldn't say the procedure is overly painful, not that I have had to go through it... but it is uncomfortable, I find tears spring to my eyes watching my sister writhe in pain and trying to breathe through it.  It reminded me of when I was about 7 years old and she was 5.  It had been raining outside and we had matching rain slickers and rain boots.  My mom and dad had taken us to the mall and we were running through the store when she slipped and hit her forehead against the ground.

When she popped up she had this massive goose egg on her forehead.  I immediately started crying, she was calm as can be whimpering a little bit but not full on freaking out.  Not like me, I bawled my eyes out the entire way to the hospital.   They did some x rays on her and she was perfectly fine and she came out grinning telling me that her x ray made it look like she had a mustache like daddy.

It felt like that again I get a panicky feeling when I am scared she is hurting I don't know why it makes me freak out so bad but it does, and like before she is fine.  We left the Dr.'s office and had breakfast at IHOP and talked about everything except the transfer we just did. 

At the Fertility Center right before the transfer

Monday Dani had her blood drawn to test for a pregnancy and sadly it was negative.  I didn't necessarily feel shocked like I did the first time but I felt a sadness wash over me.  I get panicky inside that what if it never works, what if we run out of embryos, what will we do? 

Just like when we were young though, as I panicked and cried my sister calmly sent me a text that said, just remember sometimes this can take a few tries, it doesn't mean anything that it didn't work again it just means we need to try again and we'll keep trying until it works.

I started to feel a little better.  We have 4 embryos left to work with that's at least 2 more attempts at in vitro.  This can still work, this WILL still work.

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