GRAND RAPIDS, Mich.-- 25 weeks today! At 25 weeks the baby is the size of a rutabaga, (I know that's a really freaking weird thing to compare a baby to, I don't know if I have ever even seen a rutabaga...) At this point the baby's tiny nostrils are starting to open and their vocal chords are being formed.
My sister has been feeling pretty good, she did get a TERRIBLE cold for a while there and could basically take nothing for it (being pregnant and all). Other than that she is doing well.
As for Jimmy and myself we are excited, nervous, terrified, all of the above! We have a lot to do though to be ready by June. Just to recap, our daughter is being born by gestational carrier, which is a person who is carrying a baby for a couple, that is NOT genetically their child, and they are NOT receiving compensation for doing so.
Yes, there is a difference between surrogate and gestational carrier. Surrogacy laws get hairy in the state of Michigan and technically isn't even legal here. A surrogate would be someone who not only carries the baby, but the baby is made from THEIR egg, and they are getting monetary compensation for doing this.
With my syndrome, (CAIS) I don't have ovaries, I had internal gonads that were in the place of ovaries that did in fact produce estrogen, but they were removed when I was 15 because, as my doctor put it, they were "dripping in cysts." Not a fun surgery I should add. It was pretty painful and it basically is a hysterectomy. In removing the gonads they removed my natural estrogen production which through my body into a menopause state at only 15 years old. Yes, hot flashes, night sweats, the whole shebang.
That is why my husband and I paid for donor eggs. So with this anonymous donor and Jim's sperm they make the embryo and implant it in Dani's uterus. If you are still following along that means that the baby has no genetic tie to my sister. BUT she is in fact genetically tied to Jimmy.
Even though it is our baby, and even though Jimmy is the bio dad even, we still are forced to legally adopt little Greenleigh from my sister. (Yes even though she is not biologically related to this child). There is such a thing as "Pre birth order" where you can petition to have a birth certificate drawn up with both parents (Jim and me) names put on it before the babies born.
Problem is those cost a LOT of money to petition for and in Kent County they have been denied something like 95 percent of the time. If it's denied you lose that money. So we decided screw it, we will just adopt.
I guess I thought because the baby is Jims biologically, MY sister is carrying her, and she is OUR baby, that the adoption process would be easier then a typical adoption.
I was wrong.
We need to fill out bio forms from birth to present, mounds of paper work, have home inspections and even get 3 letters of recommendation(yeah I know letters from people saying we can adopt our own child...)
At first I was frustrated by this because I feel like I have done enough work to make this baby a reality. I have gone through enough, going back as far as 15 years old laying on the surgical table. I carry an air of entitlement sometimes... I paid my dues here why do you keep asking for more? I didn't chose this path I am on because I thought it would be fun.
I also appreciate that this is the law, and it's just how things are done. So we are filling out our paperwork like we are supposed to, I've asked friends, old co workers and family for my letters of recommendation, and I have accepted that even though it's not her baby, my sisters name will be the one that says "mother" on my child's birth certificate.
My sister's great by the way, really, she doesn't complain at all and still has a way of saying funny shit that makes me laugh. If I were her I would be bitching all the time!
Anyway, we have an appointment today just to check up, and hopefully things will be looking good.
PS: Nursery is coming along nicely, we totally stole all this from pinterest...